为什么你应该享受独处Why You Should Enjoy Being Alone
“Perfect solitude is, perhaps, the greatest punishment we can suffer,” the philosopher David Hume wrote in his 1739 book, A Treatise of Human Nature. “Every pleasure languishes when enjoyed apart from company, and every pain becomes more cruel and intolerable.” Well, but I was interested in seeking an alternative viewpoint. So in April, I hiked to visit a hermit in the mountains above Dharamsala, India.
“完美的独处或许是我们能够承受的最大惩罚，”哲学家大卫·休谟在他1739年的著作《人性论》中写道。“每一种快乐在没有陪伴的情况下都会枯萎，每一种痛苦变得更加残忍和难以忍受。”好吧，但我更感兴趣的是寻找一个不同的观点。于是，在四月，我前往印度达兰萨拉的山中，拜访了一位隐士。
Geshe Lobsang Tsephel is a Tibetan Buddhist monk who has lived alone for the past 25 years, rarely seeing another person (he was generously making an exception for me). Was his perfect solitude a punishment? I wanted to know.
格西·洛桑次宝是一位藏传佛教僧侣，过去25年一直独自生活，几乎不与他人见面（他慷慨地为我破例）。我想知道，他的完美孤独是否是一种惩罚？
Deep in the forest, I found Geshe Lobsang Tsephel’s home: a small, one-room, unheated hut with a meditation mat that also functions as his bed, as well as bookshelves filled with volumes of Buddhist philosophy. He has a rustic stove outside on which to prepare his food. The scene is reminiscent of Henry David Thoreau’s Walden (except rather more authentic: Thoreau’s cabin was next to a busy train track right outside town, and his mother, who lived close by, brought him food and did his laundry).
在森林深处，我找到了格西·洛桑次宝的住所：一个小小的、没有暖气的单间小屋，里面有一个冥想垫子，既是他的床铺，也是他藏书的书架，上面摆满了佛教哲学的书籍。他在屋外有一个简陋的炉子，用来做饭。这个场景让人想起亨利·大卫·梭罗的《瓦尔登湖》（但更加真实：梭罗的小屋旁边是一个繁忙的火车轨道，离镇子不远的地方有他母亲，她定期为他送饭并帮他洗衣服）。
Geshe Lobsang Tsephel wakes up at 6 a.m. and meditates five hours daily, until lunchtime. After a simple midday meal, he spends the afternoon studying ancient Tibetan texts. After a light supper, he practices physical and spiritual tantric exercises until it is time to sleep. Most days, he sees no humans at all. The nearest thing he has to company would be the monkeys that live all around and occasionally swipe his food.
格西·洛桑次宝每天早上6点起床，冥想五小时，直到午餐时间。简单的午餐后，他在下午研究古老的藏文经典。吃过简单的晚餐后，他进行身体和精神上的密宗练习，直到入睡。大多数日子里，他根本不见任何人。他最接近“陪伴”的，可能就是四周栖息的猴子们，它们偶尔会偷走他的食物。
Now in his mid-50s, Geshe Lobsang Tsephel was a young adult when he chose this way of life, in order to have more time to focus on meditation than he would get living in a community. “No distractions,” he told me matter-of-factly. The underlying purpose was to raise his level of compassion toward others and improve his equanimity in the face of all things, positive and negative.
现在已经五十多岁的格西·洛桑次宝，在年轻时选择了这种生活方式，为的是能有更多的时间专注于冥想，而不被社区生活的琐事打扰。“没有干扰，”他平静地告诉我。这样做的根本目的是提升自己对他人的慈悲心，增强面对一切事物（无论是正面还是负面）的平和心态。
I asked Geshe Lobsang Tsephel whether he ever regrets choosing this life. “Never,” he answered. “When I became a hermit, I was so happy.” Indeed, he recommends some form of solitude for all of us.
我问格西·洛桑次宝，是否曾后悔过选择这种生活。他回答道：“从未后悔。当我成为隐士时，我感到非常幸福。”事实上，他推荐每个人都应该尝试某种形式的独处。
Spending a quarter century in a mountain hut might not work for you, but he advocated going on a retreat at least. “If you spend two or three months in isolation,” he promised, “it will change your life.” And if you can’t manage that, he said, even two or three days on your own “will wake you up.”
也许你不适合在山中的小屋里度过四分之一世纪，但他建议至少可以进行一次静修。“如果你能独处两三个月，”他承诺，“这会改变你的一生。”如果你无法做到，他说，即使是两三天的独处，“也会让你觉醒。”
I suspect that part of the divergence between Geshe Lobsang Tsephel and Hume comes down to the difference between solitude and isolation. Whereas the former concept is usually voluntary and has positive connotations, the latter is associated with separateness from others for negative reasons. And that is true regardless of whether the isolation occurs voluntarily (disliking people) or by compulsion (being shunned); either way, it is considered destructive.
我怀疑，格西·洛桑次宝与休谟观点的分歧，部分来源于“独处”和“孤独”之间的区别。前者通常是自愿的，并且带有积极的含义，而后者则与因负面原因而与他人隔离相关。无论这种隔离是自愿的（如不喜欢与人交往）还是被迫的（如被排斥），它都会被视为一种具有破坏性的状态。
For example, scholars studying isolation—that is, the condition of having no companions or confidants—among senior citizens have found that the condition drives down well-being; this finding holds across the social spectrum, independent of demographic factors. Isolation is also implicated in negative health outcomes such as increased stress and inflammation, as well as reduced sleep and immune function.
例如，研究孤独——即没有伴侣或知己的状态——的学者发现，孤独会降低老年人的幸福感；这一发现适用于所有社会群体，且与人口统计学因素无关。孤独还与一些负面健康结果有关，如增加压力和炎症，以及减少睡眠和免疫功能。
Whether your separation from others is solitude or isolation depends largely on your circumstances, of course. But whether you experience being separated as solitude or isolation can also depend on your attitude (even when the separation is involuntary). In a 2023 study of senior citizens, scholars reported that some old people found their time alone to be positive and restorative; others said that they preferred to be alone because they thought social interactions were generally negative and uncomfortable. Not surprisingly, the first group rated their life satisfaction higher than the second group did, by 40 percent.
当然，你与他人分离是独处还是孤独，主要取决于你的具体情况。但你对分离的感受是独处还是孤独，也可能取决于你的态度（即便分离是被迫的）。在2023年的一项老年人研究中，学者们报告称，有些老年人认为独处的时间是积极的和恢复性的；其他人则表示，他们更喜欢独处，因为他们认为社交互动通常是消极的和不舒服的。毫不奇怪，第一组的生活满意度比第二组高了40%。
Matching almost perfectly what Geshe Lobsang Tsephel told me, the main benefits of solitude noted in the study include contemplation (time to think, ponder, or reflect); enjoyable solo activities such as reading; mental repose; autonomy; contentment in peace and quiet; and the ability to focus. Another study, from 2017, showed that solitude lowers high levels of emotional affect—turbulent moods, in ordinary parlance—and can lead to relaxation and lower stress. In other words, being by yourself is a great way to calm down when you feel overstimulated.
这项研究所指出的独处的主要好处，与格西·洛桑次宝告诉我的几乎完全一致，包含了冥想（有时间思考、沉思或反思）；享受独自活动，如阅读；精神上的休息；自主性；在安静中感到满足；以及集中注意力的能力。另一项2017年的研究显示，独处可以降低高水平的情绪波动——也就是普通话中所说的情绪起伏——并能带来放松和减轻压力。换句话说，当你感到过度刺激时，独自一人是平静下来的好方法。
Most of us probably know this intuitively. But the researchers also found that the effect is true for both positive and negative arousal—whether you’re in a very good mood or a really bad one—but with an important difference: The positive affect (good mood) can be maintained as you calm down in solitude if you make active use of positive thinking.
我们大多数人或许凭直觉就知道这一点。但研究人员还发现，这一效应对积极和消极的情绪唤起都有效——无论你心情非常好还是非常糟糕——但有一个重要的区别：如果你在独处中积极运用正面思维，你可以在平静下来时保持积极的情绪（好心情）。
Being alone for its benefits, however, can contain a trap: “solitude inertia,” in which your good solitude inadvertently turns into bad isolation.
然而，追求独处的好处也可能有陷阱：“孤独惯性”，即你本来有益的独处不经意间变成了消极的孤独。
In 2020, researchers studying people with depression found that those who sought solitude for its useful effects can “get stuck,” leading to isolation that exacerbates depressive symptoms. This suggests the importance for most of us of finding the sweet spot between being alone and being with others. As scholars have pointed out, no one guaranteed formula exists for this.
2020年，研究抑郁症患者的学者发现，那些寻求独处以获得其有益效果的人可能会“陷入困境”，导致孤独加剧抑郁症状。这表明，对于我们大多数人来说，找到独处与和他人交往之间的最佳平衡点至关重要。正如学者们所指出的那样，没有固定的公式可以确保这一点。
So bear this in mind: You might be more of a Hume or more of a Geshe Lobsang Tsephel; the key is to experiment with being “a-part” and pay attention to your well-being.
所以请记住：你可能更像休谟，也可能更像格西·洛桑次宝；关键是要尝试“分离”，并注意自己的幸福感。
On balance, I see good reasons to incorporate some solitude into your life. Here are three principles that you might want to keep in mind as you do.
总体而言，我认为在生活中融入一些独处是有充分理由的。以下是你在实践时可以考虑的三条原则：
- Seek the positive 1、追求积极的独处
Remember that a big difference exists between being alone because of its benefits and being alone to avoid the costs of others’ company. Set up specific short periods of solitude with tangible benefits in mind.
记住，因独处的好处而独处与因回避他人陪伴的负面成本而独处之间有很大区别。设定短期的独处时间，并明确其具体的好处。
For example, schedule an afternoon alone to think deeply about a specific philosophical issue that you’re wrestling with or a decision that you’re working toward. Or dedicate the time to doing something you like doing by yourself, such as reading a great book. If your regular days are crazy or noisy, be conscious of basking in the peace and quiet. And if you’re an excitable type (like me), plan a way to get a few hours, or even a few meaningful minutes, of solitude when you need to calm down.
比如，安排一个独处的下午，专心思考一个你正在努力解决的哲学问题，或者一个你正在做出的决定。或者把时间用来做一些你喜欢独自完成的事情，比如阅读一本好书。如果你的日常生活繁忙或喧闹，意识到享受宁静的时光是非常宝贵的。而如果你是一个容易激动的人（像我一样），计划在需要冷静下来的时候，争取一些独处的时间，哪怕只有几小时或几分钟。
- Go away by yourself 2、独自离开一段时间
If you can, schedule a two- or three-day silent getaway, as Geshe Lobsang Tsephel suggests.
如果可以的话，安排一个两三天的独自静修之旅，就像格西·洛桑次宝所建议的那样。
I try to do a slightly longer silent retreat every year, and I find it extremely valuable. Although I am with other people during parts of each day of the retreat, the complete silence we all observe has the same beneficial effect as pure solitude.
我每年都会安排一个稍长一些的静修，我发现这对我非常有价值。虽然在静修期间，我每天的部分时间会与他人一起度过，但我们共同保持的完全静默，带来的效果就如同完全的独处。
Similarly, I have twice walked the Camino de Santiago, a long pilgrimage across northern Spain. Although I did the trek with my wife, many hours of the day were spent in silent contemplation and prayer. The benefits to me have been enormous.
同样，我曾两次走过西班牙北部的圣地亚哥朝圣之路。尽管我与妻子一起进行这次朝圣，白天的大部分时间还是花在了静默的冥想和祷告中。这段经历对我来说，收获巨大。
- Become an E-hermit 3、成为“电子隐士”
A big isolation problem for many people today is that although they spend a huge amount of time online, they are lonely in real life. Scholars have found that people who use social media to maintain their relationships may actually feel lonelier than those who use the platforms for other reasons. You can reverse this finding by staying engaged in person and going completely offline for defined periods. You could, for instance, use your summer vacation to ditch the internet, or you could at least aim for web-free weekends.
当今许多人面临的一个大问题是，虽然他们在线上花费大量时间，但在现实生活中却感到孤独。研究发现，那些通过社交媒体维持关系的人，可能比那些用社交媒体做其他事情的人感到更加孤独。你可以通过保持面对面的互动，并在某些特定时间段完全离线来逆转这一现象。例如，你可以利用夏季假期来彻底摆脱网络，或者你至少可以尝试实现无网的周末。
Near the end of our time together, I asked Geshe Lobsang Tsephel how he has changed as a person during his 25-year retreat. Eventually, he said, he felt free of attachment and resentment, free of liking and disliking, free of agreement and disagreement. This has completely changed his attitude toward other people; he is capable of seeing all human beings as equally worthy of love and compassion.
在我们相处的时间快结束时，我问格西·洛桑次宝，他在这25年的静修期间，作为一个人发生了怎样的变化。最终他说，他感到自己已经脱离了对事物的执着与怨恨，脱离了喜好与厌恶，脱离了同意与反对。这完全改变了他对他人的态度；他现在能够把所有人看作是同样值得爱与慈悲的。
In fact, his compassion might extend beyond humans. As we were talking, a particularly brazen monkey approached us, hoping to find a piece of fruit to steal from the humble hermit. Calling his attention to the would-be thief, I asked Geshe Lobsang Tsephel how he maintained equanimity in such situations.
事实上，他的慈悲心或许超越了人类。当我们交谈时，一只特别胆大的猴子走近我们，试图从这位朴素的隐士那里偷取一块水果。我指着这只准小偷，问格西·洛桑次宝，在这种情况下，他是如何保持平静的。
“Years ago,” he said, “I would have wanted to shoot him with a slingshot.” But today? “I remember that the monkey must be hungry like me.”
“多年前，”他说，“我会想用弹弓打它。”但今天呢？“我记得那只猴子肯定和我一样饿了。”
