这究竟是平静还是孤独Is It Really Peaceor Is It Loneliness

Is It Really Peace—or Is It Loneliness?

这真的是平静，还是孤独？

If no one is interested in you as a person and you always do things by yourself — what do you call it; is it peace… or loneliness?

如果没有人对你作为一个人感兴趣，而你总是独自做事——你会怎么定义它；这是平静，还是孤独？

There’s a fine line between solitude and isolation, one that isn’t always easy to distinguish. We often glorify the idea of being content with our own company, of finding peace in moments of quiet.

孤独和隔离之间有一条微妙的界限，这条界限并不总是容易辨别。我们常常美化与自己相处、在寂静中找到内心平静的想法。

Just like a normal girl that I am, I grew up with several, different circle of friends. Most of them were already friends before they met me, or it is obvious that they’re the closest friends as if they cannot be separated. I wonder sometimes how they found someone like that. And so, those fleeting times came when I wished-just for a second-that my life was a little more like those people.

就像我这个普通女孩一样，我成长过程中有几个不同的朋友圈。大多数朋友在认识我之前就已经是朋友，或者显然是那些最亲密、无法分开的朋友。我有时会想，为什么他们会找到像我这样的人。有时，我会短暂地希望——哪怕只是短短一秒钟——我的生活能像那些人一样。

I’ve learned to live with the fact that I’m never anyone’s first choice. It’s a truth I carry with me in silence. It doesn’t announce itself, but it’s there-an invisible scar that weighs on my heart, a subtle pain that I’ve never quite been able to shake. I used to embrace solitude, even find strength in it, but as time passes, I can’t help but wish that one person who would pick me over everyone else.

我已经学会接受这样一个事实：我从来不是任何人的第一选择。这是我默默承受的一个事实。它不会大声宣告自己，但它一直在那里——一个看不见的伤疤，压在我心头，一种我始终无法摆脱的微妙痛苦。我曾经拥抱孤独，甚至从中找到力量，但随着时间的流逝，我不禁开始渴望那个会在所有人中选择我的人。

The odd one, the backburner friend, the friend who gets noticed when one is missing. I notice it most in group settings – when friends naturally gravitate toward each other, unspoken bonds guiding them, like an instinctual understanding that I’m not part of. There’s no need to say it out loud, but it is clear: when it comes down to it, I’m never the one chosen first.

那个被冷落的人，那个备胎朋友，那个只有缺席时才会被注意到的朋友。我在群体环境中最能察觉到这一点——当朋友们自然而然地聚集在一起，无声的纽带把他们联系在一起，就像一种本能的理解，知道我并不在其中。无需明说，但这很清楚：在关键时刻，我从来不是第一个被选中的人。

It’s a strange kind of loneliness, one that exists even in the company of others. I tell myself it’s okay, that not everyone gets to be the favorite, but every now and then, the quiet ache reminds me of what I’m missing. I wonder what it feels like to be someone’s first choice, to be the person someone turns to, not out of convenience – but because they want to. It’s a small, persistent wish that lingers beneath the surface, even when I try to push it away.

这是一种奇怪的孤独感，即使在他人的陪伴中也会存在。我告诉自己没关系，毕竟不是每个人都能成为最喜欢的人，但偶尔，那种安静的痛楚提醒我自己缺失的东西。我在想，成为某人的首选是什么感觉，成为某个他们愿意选择的人，而不是出于方便——而是因为他们想要。即使我试图将它压抑，这个小小的、持续的愿望仍然存在。

As time passes, watching others experience the kind of effortless connection I long for can sometimes feel like looking into a world where I don’t quite belong. It’s not that I’m unwanted or unloved—it’s just that, when it comes to the things that matter most to people, I’m never the first thought. There’s always someone else they’d rather be with, someone else who completes their unspoken circle in a way I don’t.

随着时间的流逝，看着别人体验到那种我渴望的轻松联系，有时会让我觉得自己好像在看一个完全不属于我的世界。并不是我不被需要或不被爱——而是，当涉及到人们最看重的事情时，我从来不是他们的首选。总有其他人，他们宁愿与之相伴，某个人能以我无法做到的方式，完成他们心中的无言圈子。

Perhaps it’s a little lonely not to have someone who’d be interested to know what happens in your life, what you are up to, and someone who’d text you multiple times because they love talking to you. Even if it’s a formal, casual, or a silly talk—I would somehow love to have someone in the likes of that. Sometimes I wonder if this feeling is about more than just being “the favorite.” Maybe it’s about validation, a longing to know that I am seen, understood, and valued in ways that aren’t fleeting.

也许没有一个人会关心你的生活发生了什么，正在做什么，或者一个人会因为喜欢和你聊天而多次发信息，这会让人感到些许孤独。即使是正式的、随意的，或是一些傻乎乎的谈话—我也会希望有这样一个人。有时候我想，这种感觉可能不仅仅是关于成为“最喜欢的人”。也许它是关于被认同，渴望知道自己被看到、被理解、被珍视，以一种不容易消逝的方式。

To be chosen first would mean more than just being preferred – it would mean being known, not just in the surface ways people know each other, but in the deeper ways where they see your fears, your quiet dreams, your hidden corners, and they still choose you.

被优先选择，意味着不仅仅是被偏爱——它意味着被了解，不仅仅是在表面的方式上被认识，而是在更深的层次里，他们看到了你的恐惧、你安静的梦想、你隐藏的角落，仍然选择了你。

And maybe, in some ways, this feeling has shaped me. It’s made me more observant, more empathetic. I know what it’s like to feel invisible in a crowded room, so I see others who might be feeling the same. I listen more deeply, because I know how much it can mean to have someone truly hear you. And while the ache is still there, perhaps it’s given me an understanding of connection that others might overlook – one that’s deeper, more patient, more aware of the quiet spaces between words.

也许，在某些方面，这种感觉塑造了我。它让我变得更善于观察，更有同理心。我知道在拥挤的房间里感到自己被忽视的滋味，所以我会注意到那些可能有同样感受的人。我听得更深，因为我知道，能有人真正听见你，是多么重要。虽然那种痛感依然存在，也许它给了我对连接的理解，而这种理解别人可能会忽略——一种更深刻、更耐心、更意识到话语间安静空隙的理解。

But still, I can’t deny the longing. It’s not about needing constant reassurance or attention. It’s more about wanting to know that, to someone, I am irreplaceable—that there’s a place I hold in their life that no one else can fill.

但仍然，我无法否认那种渴望。这不仅仅是需要不断的安慰或关注。更多的是想要知道，在某个人的心中，我是不可替代的——在他们的生活中，我占据的那个位置是任何人都无法替代的。

That even if everything else changes, they would still choose me, not out of habit, but out of choice. And as much as I try to tell myself that being second, or third, or just present, is enough, that tiny spark of hope for more never quite goes out.

即使其他一切都发生变化，他们仍然会选择我，不是出于习惯，而是出于选择。尽管我尽力告诉自己，成为第二、第三，或仅仅是存在，都已经足够，但那微弱的对更多的希望，总是未曾完全熄灭。

In a way, I’ve come to terms with the fact that not everyone finds that person, or that moment. Some people live their lives on the periphery, and maybe that’s okay. Maybe we’re the ones who keep the world steady for others, the ones who listen, who wait, who understand without needing to be the center. But even as I try to embrace that role, I can’t help but wonder what it would feel like—just once—to be the one that someone chooses first, to have my place in their heart be the one that’s never in question.

在某种程度上，我已经接受了并非每个人都能找到那个特殊的人，或那个关键时刻的事实。有些人活在边缘，或许那也是可以的。也许我们就是那些为别人维持世界平衡的人，那些倾听的人，等待的人，不需要成为中心就能理解他人的人。但即使我试图接受这种角色，我仍然忍不住想，能不能有那么一次——成为某个人优先选择的那个，拥有在他们心中永远不被质疑的位置。

So, when the silence, becomes too loud—what will happen when the absence of others is less a choice and more a reflection of disconnection? If no one is truly interested in you as a person, and you’re left to always do things on your own—what do you call it? Is it peace… or is it loneliness?

那么，当沉默变得太嘈杂—当他人的缺席不再是选择，而是反映了彼此的疏离时，会发生什么？如果没有人真正对你作为一个人感兴趣，而你总是被留在一旁，独自做事情—你怎么定义它？是平静……还是孤独？