如何在不自信时自信表达How to Speak Confidently When You Don’t Feel Confident

How to Speak Confidently When You Don’t Feel Confident

People don’t expect you to say a specific thing. They just expect you to say satisfying things.

人们并不指望你说出具体的话。他们只是希望你说出令人满意的话。

You’re in the hot seat! Maybe you’re giving a presentation. Or are being interviewed for a job. Or you’re a guest on a podcast. Or you’re just talking with someone intimidating.

你正处于焦点位置！也许你在做演讲，或在面试，或是播客嘉宾，或只是和令你紧张的人交谈。

In many ways, at many times, you’ve surely felt this same flash of panic: Someone has asked something of you, or they’re expecting something of you, and you think…I do not know what I’m talking about right now.

在很多方面、很多时刻，你肯定都感受过这种突如其来的恐慌：有人向你提问，或期待你有所表现，而你心里想……我现在根本不知道自己在说什么。

Today, I’m going to give you a way to sound and speak with more confidence. I’ve been using this trick for years, and it has helped me avoid countless public embarrassments. I call it swim to shore.

今天，我将分享一种方法，让你在说话时更加自信。多年来，我一直在使用这个小技巧，它帮助我避免了无数次的尴尬。我称之为“游向岸边”。

Here’s a classic danger moment. After I give a keynote talk, I usually take questions from the crowd.

这是一个典型的危险时刻。在完成主题演讲后，我通常会回答观众的问题。

Mostly people ask versions of questions I’ve heard before. But sometimes, someone hits me with something new and unfamiliar. And I might think: Crap, I don’t have a good answer to this. Then all eyes are on me. I need to say something. And it needs to happen now.

大部分时候，人们问的是我听过的问题版本。但有时，有人会抛来全新且陌生的问题。我可能会想：糟了，我没有好答案。然后所有目光都集中在我身上。我得说点什么，而且必须马上说。

The first few times this happened, I tried to answer their question very directly. Often I’d stumble. Or sound hesitant. I always regretted it afterward.

前几次遇到这种情况时，我试图直接回答问题。结果常常结结巴巴，或听起来犹豫不决。事后我总是后悔。

So I started to break the situation down. What was actually happening in that moment? That’s when I realized: I was making two distinct mistakes.

于是我开始剖析当时的状况。那一刻到底发生了什么？这时我意识到：我犯了两个明显的错误。

Mistake1: I prioritized their question over what really mattered.

错误1：我把对方的问题置于真正重要的事情之上。

Mistake2: I answered on their terms, not mine.

错误2：我按对方的条件回答，而非自己的。

Let’s look closer at each mistake.

让我们仔细看看每个错误。

What really matters?

什么才是真正重要的？

Sometimes, the expectations for you are very narrow. Maybe you’re meeting with an investor, and they want to know your customer acquisition cost. Maybe you’re giving a presentation to your boss, who wants to understand a project in detail. In those cases, you better be prepared.

有时，对你的期望可能非常具体。比如你正在与投资者会面，他们想知道你的客户获取成本；或者你正在向老板汇报，老板想要详细了解一个项目。在这种情况下，你最好做好准备。

But most of the time, expectations are not that narrow. On stage, on a podcast, in a job interview, in conversation – in these cases, the expectations for you are broad. Which is to say: People don’t expect you to say a specific thing. They just expect you to say satisfying things.

但大多数时候，期望并不那么具体。在舞台上、在播客中、在求职面试中、在交谈时——在这些情况下，对你的期望是广泛的。也就是说：人们并不指望你说出具体的话，他们只是希望你说出令人满意的话。

When someone asks you a question, they’re really just prompting you to speak more. It’s as if they’re saying to you: “Here’s a general topic – can you speak some words about it?”

当有人向你提问时，他们实际上是在鼓励你多说一些。就好像他们在对你说：“这是一个大致的话题——你能就此说些什么吗？”

And when you think of questions that way, you realize that their question isn’t the important part of the exchange. Your answer is the more important part. That’s where all their expectations lie. Your audience — whether it’s one person or thousands — just wants you to say good stuff!

当你这样思考问题时，你就会意识到，在交流中，他们的问题并不是最关键的。你的答案才是更重要的部分。那是所有期望所在之处。你的听众——无论是一个人还是成千上万的人——只是希望你能说出有价值的好东西！

Whose terms do you answer on?

你按照谁的条件来回答？

Someone asks you a question, and you don’t know the answer. Let’s draw a chart of what this looks like. It’s two separate spheres — where’s the arena they’re coming from, and there’s your strength. It’s like this:

有人问你一个问题，而你不知道答案。让我们画一张图来展示一下这会是什么样子。这是两个独立的领域——一个是他们所来自的领域，另一个是你的优势所在。就像这样：

When we’re asked a question, our instinct is often to answer it directly and literally — even if we don’t have a good answer. That’s what I tried to do in my Q&A sessions, when someone stumped me with a question.

当我们被问到一个问题时，我们的本能往往是直接且字面地回答它——即便我们没有好的答案。在我的问答环节中，当有人提出一个难倒我的问题时，我就是这么做的。

So, what does that look like in our chart? It’s like this — your answer contained inside their arena, and very far away from your strength.

那么，在我们的图表中这会是什么样子呢？就像这样——你的答案处于他们的领域内，而且离你的强项非常遥远。

But this is a mistake! Why? Because like I said above — most of the time, nobody cares about your answer to their hyper-specific question. They just care that you say something valuable. And if you can’t be valuable in their arena, then you’re not being valuable at all. You need to get the hell out of there — and move towards your strength.

但这是一种错误！为什么？因为正如我上面所说——大多数时候，没人会在意你对他们那种极其具体的问题的回答。他们只在意你能说出有价值的东西。而如果你在他们的领域里无法做到有价值，那你根本就毫无价值。你得赶紧离开那里——朝着你的强项前进。

To do this, you start with the premise of their question. You acknowledge it, appreciate it, and engage with it. But you head towards your strength. It looks like this:

要做到这一点，你要从他们问题的前提入手。你要认可它、欣赏它，并与之互动。但你要朝着自己的优势方向前进。它看起来像这样：

In my head, I’ve started to think of this as swim to shore. It’s a visual metaphor:

在我的脑海里，我已经开始把这想成是“游向岸边”。这是一种视觉隐喻：

Imagine it: Every time someone asks you a question, it’s like they’ve picked you up off the ground (your strength) and they tossed you out into the water (their arena).

想象一下：每当有人向你提问，就好比他们把你从地上（你的力量所在！）拎起来，然后把你扔进了水里（他们的领域！）。

You can only tread water for so long. If you try to stay out there too long, you’ll drown. So you swim to shore — which means swimming through their question, but answering it on dry land.

你只能在水里踩水踩那么久。要是你试图在水里待太久，就会被淹死。所以你得游向岸边——这意味着要穿过他们的问题，但在干地上回答。

And what exactly is on that land? Well, it’s time to ask: What is your strength? Think about this for a moment. When you’re speaking — to an individual, or to a group — what are you most comfortable talking about?

而那片陆地到底是什么？现在该问问自己：你的优势是什么？花点时间想想。当你发言时——对一个人或一群人——你最擅长谈论什么？

Maybe it’s a specific body of knowledge. Maybe it’s a mode of engagement — that you’re best when being thoughtful, or funny, or philosophical, or personal. Maybe it’s a mode of communication; perhaps you’re amazing at asking questions or breaking things down in tactical ways.

也许这是一种特定的知识体系。也许是一种参与方式——你思考时最出色，或者风趣时最出色，或者富有哲理时最出色，或者展现个人特质时最出色。也许是一种交流方式；也许你善于提问，或者能以战术性的方式将事情拆解得头头是道。

Whatever it is, that’s your strength. That’s where you need to swim to.

不管那是什么，那都是你的长处所在。那就是你需要游向的方向。

Me? My strength is storytelling. I know how to tell a tale in a compelling way, and then draw a lesson out from it. And I have a ton of them.

我？我的强项是讲故事。我知道如何引人入胜地讲述一个故事，然后从中提炼出一个道理。而且我有很多这样的故事。

So let’s say I’m on stage. I just gave a keynote talk, and now it’s Q&A time. Someone raises their hand and asks: “How does a senior VP at a Fortune 500 company lead their team through economic instability?” Years ago, hearing that question would have panicked me.

假设我现在在台上。我刚刚做完主题演讲，现在是问答环节。这时有人举手问道：“一家《财富》500强公司的高级副总裁如何带领团队度过经济不稳定的时期？”多年前，要是听到这个问题，我会惊慌失措。

Why? Because there are specialists and consultants and executives who can answer that easily — and I’m not one of them. It’s not my specific area. That used to make me feel like a fraud.

为什么？因为有专家、顾问和高管能够轻松回答这个问题——而我不是他们。这不是我的专业领域。这曾经让我觉得自己像个骗子。

But today, I don’t panic. Instead, I think: swim to shore. Like I said —— for me, storytelling is shore. So I think: This person is asking about leaders navigating change. What stories do I have about leaders doing that?

但今天，我不再惊慌。相反，我想：游向岸边。就像我说的——对我来说，讲故事就是海岸。所以我便想：这个人是在问领导者如何应对变革。我有哪些关于领导者应对变革的故事呢？

Then I remember a story. It’s not about a Fortune 500 senior VP, but who cares? It’s a good story! And it has a good lesson about empathy and communication.

然后我想起了一件事。这件事不是关于一家《财富》500强公司的高级副总裁，但谁在乎呢？这是个好故事！而且它还蕴含着关于同理心和沟通的深刻道理。

So I begin: “Thanks for that question, and it’s an important one — because in times like these, teams will be looking for strong leadership from people like you. And it reminds me of a leader I spoke with a while ago…”

所以我开始说：“感谢您的提问，这是一个很重要的问题——因为在当下这样的时期，团队会期待像您这样的领导者展现出强大的领导力。这让我想起了不久前与一位领导者交谈的情景……”

Then I tell that story. It captivates the audience, because I am leaning on my strength. Then I share the lesson of that story, and bring it back to the questioner. I might say: “So look, I’m sure that some Harvard Business School professor could give you a detailed lecture on the 20 things to do right now. But in my experience, the starting point has to be that lesson I just shared about empathy and communication. Because without that, nothing else will follow.”

然后我就讲那个故事。它吸引住了听众，因为我发挥了自身的优势。接着我分享那个故事的教训，并把它引回到提问者身上。我可能会说：“所以你看，我敢肯定哈佛商学院的教授能给你详细讲讲眼下要做的二十件事。但依我的经验，起点必须是我刚刚分享的关于同理心和沟通的那堂课。因为没有这个，其他一切都无从谈起。”

See what I did? I didn’t dodge the question, but I also didn’t get trapped by it. Instead, I gave my answer based on my strengths, and I did it with confidence because I swam to shore.

瞧见没？我没回避问题，但也没被它困住。相反，我根据自身优势给出了答案，而且自信满满，因为我已成功游到了岸边。

You don’t need to know everything. You just need to know what you know. That way, you always know what you’re talking about. And that’s how to do one thing better.

你不必什么都知道。你只需要知道你所知道的。那样的话，你就永远知道自己在谈论什么。这就是把一件事做得更好的方法。

文章点评

本文以“如何在不自信时自信发言”为核心，通过“游向岸边”的生动隐喻，系统拆解了公开表达中应对未知问题的心理机制与实操策略，兼具理论深度与落地价值。开篇以“焦点时刻的恐慌”切入，点明“人们不期待确切答案，只求满意回应”的核心认知，打破“必须完美作答”的焦虑；继而通过“两个错误”（优先对方问题、按对方条件回答）的自我剖析，揭示本能反应的误区，再用“两领域图表”直观呈现“答案在对方领域=远离优势”的困境。

文章最大亮点在于“游向岸边”的视觉隐喻：将“对方问题”比作“水域”，“自身优势”比作“岸边”，强调“穿过问题、在干地（优势）回答”的策略——从认可问题前提出发，以讲故事、分享经验等自身强项重构回应，既避免被问题“淹没”，又传递价值。作者以“《财富》500强VP问题”为例，对比“过去恐慌”与“现在用故事化解”的转变，让抽象方法具象可感。

结构上，从“问题现象—错误分析—隐喻策略—案例验证—核心总结”层层递进，逻辑闭环完整。中英对照形式保留原文精准表达（如“swim to shore”“hyper-specific question”），中文翻译流畅自然，便于读者同步理解。语言风格亲切如私语，以“你”为对象传递共情，结尾“知道你所知道的”更点明自信的本质——专注优势而非全能。整体而言，文章为公开表达焦虑者提供了一套“以不变（优势）应万变（问题）”的心理工具箱，堪称“不自信发言”的实战指南。