How High Performers Say No Without Burning Bridges

高绩效者如何在不“断桥”的情况下拒绝

The Power of Saying No

拒绝的力量

Learning to say ‘no’ is one of the most valuable lessons to protect your time, your energy, and to ensure you are working towards your definition of success.

学会说“不”是最宝贵的一课。它能保护你的时间与精力，确保你始终走在通往自己所定义的成功的道路上。

As someone who works in the charitable sector, the idea of generosity burnout is a constant reality. There is a relentless demand for my time, energy and resources.

作为一个在慈善领域工作的人，“过度慷慨导致的职业倦怠”是我每天都在面对的现实。外界对我的时间、精力和资源总是有着无穷无尽的索求。

While I want to help, I am useless to the charity, the people it serves, my business, and my family if I am burnt out.

尽管我很想帮忙，但如果我把自己榨干了，那对慈善机构、对我服务的群体、对我的事业甚至我的家庭来说，我都将毫无用处。

I am not saying ‘do not help out.’ I am saying find a way to help out without depleting your time and energy.

我并不是说“不要去帮忙”。我的意思是，你得找到一种方法，在不透支自己时间和精力的前提下去提供帮助。

Set Your Own Rules

设定你自己的规矩

Your first step to ensure you engage with what you value most, do not deplete your resources, or get wrapped up in something that takes you off track is creating a set of rules for yourself. For example:

想要确保自己把精力花在最看重的事情上，不透支资源，也不被那些让你偏离正轨的琐事缠身，第一步就是为自己立下规矩。比如：

• I will not book anything on Sunday as it is the day I spend with my family.
• 星期天我绝不安排任何工作，因为那是我陪伴家人的专属时间。
• I will only take one inquiry for a ‘coffee meeting’ per week.
• 我每周最多只接一次 “喝杯咖啡聊聊” 的邀约。
• I will only travel for work (when in my control) 25 days a year.
• （在可控范围内）我每年的出差时间不超过25天。

Setting boundaries, such as these, can make decisions about requests for your time and energy easier.

划定这样的边界，能让你在面对别人索要你时间和精力的请求时，更容易做出决断。

Choosing Your Trade-offs

权衡你的取舍

Recently, I was asked to complete a task for an organization for which I volunteer. The timeline was impossible, and in those few hours, I also had business, family, and health commitments (I wanted to get some sleep). I had a choice:

最近，我志愿服务的一个机构让我去完成一项任务。但那个时间节点根本不现实，在那短短几个小时里，我身上还背着工作、家庭和健康的担子（我真的很想睡个觉）。我面临着一个选择：

• Go through an awkward conversation and say no.
• 要么硬着头皮进行一场尴尬的对话，直接拒绝。
• Sacrifice time with my son, forfeit income, or lose sleep.
• 要么牺牲陪儿子的时间，放弃一笔收入，或者熬夜不睡觉。

I chose the awkward conversation. Although conversations such as these can be challenging, focusing on the tradeoff can make them easier. Saying ‘no’ to one thing allows you to fulfill your ‘yes’ commitments to the best of your ability.

我选择了那场尴尬的对话。虽然这种对话确实让人难受，但只要把注意力放在“取舍”上，事情就会容易得多。对某件事说“不”，是为了让你能倾尽全力去兑现那些你说了“是”的承诺。

Four Effective Ways to Say No

拒绝的4个高效话术

1. Share Your Priorities
2. 亮出你的优先级 “Thank you so much for the invite, but that day I will be attending my son’s school play—something I cannot miss.” “非常感谢您的邀请，但那天我要去看我儿子的学校演出——这事儿我绝对不能缺席。”
3. Tell the Truth—All of It
4. 坦诚相告——全盘托出 “I love your charity and what you do! Unfortunately, I will not be able to help with the event this year as I maxed out my volunteer commitments.” “我非常喜欢你们的慈善机构和你们做的事！但很遗憾，我今年没办法帮忙筹办活动了，因为我的志愿服务时间已经完全排满了。”
5. Deflect—No, But Here is Someone Who Can
6. 转移目标——我不行，但他可以 “I can’t do it, but Jon has worked on similar projects. I have cc’ed him on this email.” “我做不了这个项目，但Jon做过类似的项目。我已经把他抄送在这封邮件里了。”
7. Reduce—No, But Here is What I Can Do
8. 降级方案——我不行，但我能提供这些帮助 “We cannot participate in your event this year, but we can promote it on social media.” “我们今年没法参与你们的活动，但我们在社交媒体上帮你们做宣传。”

Other Ways to Say No Without Guilt

其他让你毫无负罪感的拒绝方式

• Thank You, But No
• 心领了，但不行 “Thank you so much for your kind words and support! I’m sorry, I cannot help you at this time.” “非常感谢你的美言和支持!但很抱歉，我这段时间实在帮不上忙。”
• Hard No
• 果断拒绝 “Thanks, I’ll have to pass.” Then walk away. “谢了，我还是算了吧。”说完直接走人。
• I’m Booked or Full Schedule
• 档期已满 “I appreciate you thinking of me, but I’m already booked that day.” “谢谢你能想到我，但我那天已经有安排了。”

Ask Yourself Two Questions Before Saying Yes

答应之前，先问自己两个问题

• Do I have the resources to give?
• 我有余力去付出吗? If not, then saying yes will only drain you. 如果没有，那强行答应只会榨干你自己。
• Will it add to my life?
• 这能为我的生活增值吗? If saying yes aligns with your values and enhances your life, go ahead. Otherwise, reconsider. 如果答应这件事符合你的价值观，也能让你的生活变得更好，那就放手去做。否则，三思而后行。

Own Your Time

夺回时间的掌控权

Regardless of which techniques work best for you, the ability to effectively say no while maintaining relationships allows you to take control over your life. You will be able to do less, do what is essential, and do it better.

无论哪种技巧最适合你，这种既能有效拒绝又能维护人际关系的能力，都能让你重新夺回生活的掌控权。你将学会做减法，只做真正重要的事，并且把它们做得更好。