我藏着内心痛苦不想告诉任何人 Why I Never Open Up

I don’t want to be a burden

我不想成为负担

I stopped complaining and stopped telling others about what’s going on inside me. I used to think that sharing would lighten the load, but then I realized that everyone else is also carrying their own invisible burdens.

我停止了抱怨，停止了告诉别人我内心的感受。我曾以为分享能减轻负担，后来我明白了，每个人也都背负着自己看不见的重担。

I hold back because I don’t want to add to your load. I see you fighting your own battles, and I don’t want to be another thing you have to worry about.

我忍住不说，因为我不想给你增加负担。我看到你在与自己的困境作斗争，我不想成为你又一个需要担心的人。

I don’t know how many “I’m okay’s this mouth has said when someone’s asking me. I will always say I’m okay, and my life has been okay. I thought it was the right thing to do, to spare others from my darkness.

我不知道我已经说了多少次“我很好”当别人问我时。我总是说“我很好”，我的生活也一直是“还好”。我以为这样做是对的，保护别人不被我的黑暗所困扰。

We all walk around with smiles that don’t quite reach our eyes, laughter that sounds a bit forced. We’re all masters of disguise, aren’t we?

我们每个人都带着微笑，笑容却似乎没有到眼底，笑声也显得有些勉强。我们都成了伪装的高手，不是吗？

I’ve always been the one to listen, to offer a shoulder, to say, “I’m here for you.” But when it comes to my own struggles, I vanish. I build walls and put up barriers, not wanting to be a burden. I convince myself that my pain is insignificant, that it doesn’t matter.

我一直是那个愿意倾听、愿意提供肩膀、说“我在你身边”的人。但当面对我自己的困境时，我就会消失。我筑起围墙，设立隔阂，不想给任何人增添负担。我说服自己我的痛苦微不足道，不值得被关注。

Yet, there’s a part of me that longs to be seen, to be heard, and to be understood. A part of me that wishes I could find the courage to say, “I’m not okay.”

然而，我内心深处渴望被人看见、被人倾听、被人理解。我内心深处希望自己能鼓起勇气说“我并不好。”

But vulnerability is terrifying. The thought of being exposed, of having my wounds laid bare for all to see, is enough to make me shrink back into my shell.

但脆弱是可怕的。一想到自己的伤口会被揭穿，被所有人看到，我就不禁缩回自己的壳里。

So, I stay silent. I bear my burden alone, hoping that maybe one day, things will get better. That one day, I’ll find the strength to reach out, to let someone in, to share our burdens without fear and without shame.

所以，我保持沉默。我独自承担着自己的负担，希望也许有一天，事情会好转。那一天，我会找到力量伸出援手，让某人进来，无所畏惧、无所羞耻地分担我们的负担。

Until then, I’ll keep pretending, keep smiling, keep saying, “I’m okay.”

在那之前，我会继续假装，继续微笑，继续说：“我很好。”

“How’s life? How’s everything?”

“生活怎么样？一切都好吗？”

“I’m okay, how about you?”

“我很好，你呢？”