你是自恋狂吗来做个测试吧Are you A Narcissist? One Easy Test

In the wild world of pop psychology, where complex trauma manifests in confusing ways and labels get thrown around like snowballs, the term ‘narcissist’ has almost lost its meaning; becoming an umbrella term for any mildly-destructive or controlling behaviour. From the chaos of the borderline, to the ice-cold selfishness of the narcissist, to the intoxicating sexuality of the histrionic, many are left staring at the rubble of a relationship that brought out the madness in them, and asking: Am I the narcissist?

在大众心理学这个光怪陆离的领域里，复杂的心理创伤以令人困惑的方式显现，各种标签像雪球一样被随意抛掷。“自恋者”一词已经几乎失去了其原本的意义，成了一个涵盖任何轻微破坏性或控制欲行为的统称。从边缘型人格的混乱，到自恋者冰冷的自私，再到表演型人格令人沉醉的魅力，许多人凝视着那段激发了自身失控情绪的感情废墟，不禁反问：难道我是那个自恋者吗？

One easy way to determine your narcissist status, which cuts through all the clutter floating around online, is: Do you regularly idealise and quit?

要想厘清网上那些纷繁复杂的信息，判断自己是否属于自恋者，一个简单的方法是：你是否经常在将对方理想化之后又选择放弃？

Brutal discards are the hallmarks of a narcissist.

残酷的抛弃正是自恋者的典型特征。

A narcissist will be fully open to someone, charming them constantly and growing the relationship, before a point comes when that person is dead to them. Borderlines, on the other hand, will have a back-and-forth, hot-and-cold rhythm, adoring someone one day, then despising them the next, before coming around again soon after.

自恋者会对某人完全敞开心扉，用魅力持续吸引对方并推动关系发展，直到某一个临界点，这个人对他们来说变得如同陌路。相比之下，边缘型人格则表现出一种拉扯不断、忽冷忽热的节奏，今天还对某人爱得深沉，明天就可能厌恶至极，但没过多久又会回心转意。

Narcissists are more absolute, maintaining their idealisation for many months, before gradually becoming cold, then finally tossing the other person away.

自恋者则更为决绝，他们会将理想化的状态维持数月，随后逐渐变得冷淡，最终将对方抛弃。

In short, a borderline relationship is a rollercoaster, and a narcissistic relationship is a smooth arc, rising and falling only once before a sudden and final drop.

简而言之，与边缘型人格的关系就像坐过山车，而与自恋者的关系则是一道平滑的弧线，在一次彻底的坠落前，只有一次起伏。

To determine if you exhibit this behaviour, you need to look at your entire relationship history over the years.

为了确定你是否存在这种行为模式，你需要审视自己多年来的整个感情史。

Regardless of your reasons for the breakups, you should be able to consistently recognize the three phases: Idealise, where things are perfect and flowery, devalue, where you become gradually more critical, doubtful and feel yourself losing interest, and finally discard, where you suddenly have no issue tossing that person out of your life.

无论分手的原因为何，你都应该能一致地辨认出以下三个阶段：理想化——一切都完美且美好；贬低——你逐渐变得更为挑剔、充满怀疑，并感觉到自己正在失去兴趣；最后是抛弃——你突然间可以毫无心理负担地将那个人从你的生活中踢出去。

Narcissists also tend to separate people into three categories: Good for now, perfect forever, and not a chance. People who are ‘good for now’ may last in your life for a few weeks or months, as long as they remain novel and interesting. Yet like a new toy, the ‘good for now’ people eventually get boring. ‘Perfect forever’ are people who you deem worldly, intelligent and beautiful enough to become your prize.

自恋者还倾向于将人分为三类：暂时不错、永远完美以及毫无机会。“暂时不错”的人可能会在你的生活中停留几周或几个月，只要他们还能保持新奇和有趣。然而，就像对待新玩具一样，这些“暂时不错”的人最终会让你感到乏味。而“永远完美”的人，则是那些被认为足够世故、聪明且迷人，有资格成为你战利品的人。

With ‘perfect forever’ people, you are all in, envisioning a life of adventure, comfort, happiness, fun and success. With everyone else, you barely even give them a second thought. So as a narcissist, you are either ‘meh’, ‘yuck’ or ‘wow’. Yet regardless of the type of relationship you pursue, the lifecycle remains the same – idealise, devalue and discard. No exceptions.

对于“永远完美”的人，你会全情投入，憧憬着充满冒险、安逸、幸福、乐趣和成功的生活。至于其他人，你几乎懒得多看一眼。因此，作为一名自恋者，你的态度往往泾渭分明，要么是“没感觉”、“很厌恶”，要么是“太棒了”。然而，无论你追求的是哪种类型的关系，其生命周期都保持不变——理想化、贬低，然后抛弃。无一例外。

Of course, as a narcissist you might eventually hoover that person back at a later stage, but this happens long after the discard, not rapidly and often like the borderline. If you recognise this pattern in your life, then chances are high that you are a narcissist. If not, then you are either not a narcissist at all, or you might have another personality disorder with grandiose elements.

当然，作为自恋者，你可能会在后期的某个阶段重新将那个人“吸”回身边，但这通常发生在抛弃对方很久之后，而不会像边缘型人格那样频繁且迅速。如果在你的生活中能识别出这种模式，那么你很可能就是自恋者。如果没有，那么你要么根本不是自恋者，要么可能患有其他带有夸大特质的人格障碍。