学会倾听：如何共情对方的想法Mastering Listening: Ways to Understand and Empathize with Others

True listening, as defined in Dr. Marshall Rosenberg’s original work on Nonviolent Communication, means putting aside one’s own thoughts, judgments, and presuppositions.

根据马歇尔·卢森堡博士《非暴力沟通》原著的定义，真正的倾听是放下自身的想法、判断和预设。

It demands that we experience the other person’s observations, feelings, needs, and requests whole-heartedly, which represents a complete acceptance at the life level.

它要求我们全心全意去体会对方的观察、感受、需要和请求，这是生命层面的全然接纳。

In daily communication, we frequently make some unconscious listening mistakes that impede genuine emotional connection.

在日常沟通中，我们常常会犯一些无意识的倾听错误，阻碍了真正的情感连接。

The most common mistake is rushing to give advice and making decisions for the other person directly with the sentence pattern “you should”.

最常见的错误是急于给出建议，用“你应该”的句式直接替对方做决定。

Others rush to comfort, denying the other person’s feelings with words like “don’t be sad”, or rush to refute and defend themselves.

还有人会急于安慰，用“别难过了”这样的话否定对方的情绪，或者急于反驳为自己辩解。

Rushing to analyze the other person’s psychological motivations or sharing your own similar experiences will also make the other person feel unvalued.

急于分析对方的心理动机，或者急于分享自己的类似经历，也会让对方感到不被重视。

Nonviolent Communication provides a simple and effective listening skill: confirm that you understand the other person’s feelings and needs through paraphrasing.

非暴力沟通提供了一个简单有效的倾听技巧：通过复述来确认你理解了对方的感受和需要。

For example, when the other person says “you never listen to me”, you can respond: “You feel disappointed now because you need to be valued, right?”

例如，当对方说“你从不听我说话”时，你可以回应：“你现在感到很失望，因为你需要被重视，对吗？”

When the other person is emotionally agitated, we need to empathize with their emotions first before trying to solve the problem.

当对方情绪激动时，我们需要先同理对方的情绪，再尝试解决问题。

At this time, the other person’s brain is in the “fight or flight” mode and cannot think rationally. Only by being understood can they calm down.

此时对方的大脑处于“战斗或逃跑”模式，无法进行理性思考，只有被理解才能平静下来。

Empathetic listening is not a skill, but an attitude of respecting the lives of others.

共情式倾听不是一种技巧，而是一种尊重他人生命的态度。

By practicing the listening method of Nonviolent Communication, we can establish more sincere and profound interpersonal connections.

通过练习非暴力沟通的倾听方式，我们能够建立更真诚、更深刻的人际连接。