在获得幸福前你要敢于做个怪人You Need the Courage to be Weird Before You Can be Happy

“Everyone else can sit here, why can’t you?”
“别人都能乖乖坐着，你为什么不行？”

This is what my then mother-in-law asked me when I got up from my seat, after the church meeting was supposed to be over, and when the speaker began a new story.
这是我前岳母曾经问我的话。那时，本该结束的教会聚会还在继续，而演讲者又开始讲起新的故事，于是我直接从座位上站了起来。

I’ve been asked some version of this question regularly ever since I was a child. As a child and a young adolescent, I had no answer.
从小到大，我经常被问到类似的问题。在童年和青春期早期，我给不出答案。

I just knew I was defective in some way. I was different. As a teenager, I gave up trying to find a satisfying answer. But I had an answer for my mother-in-law that Sunday afternoon. I’m not like everyone else.
我只知道自己在某些方面存在缺陷，我知道自己与众不同。到了青少年时期，我放弃了寻找一个令人满意的答案。但那个周日的下午，我给了前岳母一个明确的回应：我就是和别人不一样。

I don’t mean that I’m somehow better than everyone else. It’s a simple fact. Just like gravity is holding us down on the Earth’s surface, I’m not like everyone else. I hate having my time wasted, and I have no problem leaving a meeting on time, even when it’s not over. I see people stare at me when I get up.
我并不是说我比其他人更优秀，这只是一个简单的事实。就像地心引力把我们留在地球表面一样，我和别人就是不同。我讨厌浪费时间，所以即使会议还没结束，只要时间到了我就会果断离开。我能感觉到当我站起身时，人们都在盯着我看。

The truth is, I don’t care. While everyone else sits there bored and wishing they could get up and leave, I actually do get up and leave. When I was a kid, all I wanted was to fit in. I did not want to be weird. It was hell. I was bullied at home, school, and church. Teachers wanted me to be normal.
但事实是，我根本不在乎。当其他人无聊地坐在那里，内心渴望着能起身离开时，我付诸了行动。小时候，我满心只想融入集体。我不想做个怪人。那段日子简直是地狱，我在家里、学校和教会都受过欺负。老师们也希望我能像个“正常人”一样。

I often found myself in conflict with adults and peers because I felt compelled to do what I thought was right, even when it wasn’t popular, or when it wasn’t what “we’ve” always done. The harder I worked to fit in, the more miserable I became. Even when I did manage to contain my weirdness, I still never managed to make any real friends.
我经常发现自己与成年人和同龄人发生冲突，因为我总是忍不住去做我认为正确的事情，哪怕这些事并不受欢迎，或者不符合“大家”一贯的作风。我越是拼命想融入，就越感到痛苦。甚至当我成功地掩饰了自己的古怪时，我依然没能交到任何真正的朋友。

The true friends I did make accepted me for who I was and never pressured me to be anything but my true, weird self. I’m fortunate to still be friends with people I first met when I was eleven. By the time I was graduating from high school, I was in my full weird glory. I had learned that you could do anything in life if you’re willing to live with the consequences.
我交到的挚友都接纳了最真实的我，从未强迫我去改变，而是让我做那个真实且古怪的自己。我很幸运，至今仍和十一岁时认识的人保持着友谊。高中毕业时，我已经完全拥抱了自己古怪的本性。我明白了，只要你愿意承担后果，你可以在生活中做任何想做的事。

Once I stopped performing for the crowd, I found it easy to make genuine friends, and I began to enjoy life. Most of my friends were fellow outcasts. Punks, goths, and other weirdos. Adults and my peers still wanted to regulate me, but my indifference to their opinions made life much more pleasant, at least for me.
一旦我停止了为了迎合大众而进行的表演，我发现交到真心朋友变得很容易，我也开始享受生活。我的朋友大多也是边缘人物——朋克、哥特以及其他各类“怪人”。成年人和同龄人依然试图规范我的行为，但我对他们的看法满不在乎，这让我的生活愉快了许多，至少对我自己而言是这样。

I will be fifty this year, and I keep getting the same questions from other adults that I was getting when I was sixteen. Why are you like this? Why do you have to push the boundaries? Why can’t you just let this go? When will you get a real job? I’m just wired that way. I’ve come to understand that most of the people who are doing the “right” things, or the “normal” things, are not very happy.
今年我就要五十岁了，但我仍然会从其他成年人那里听到我在十六岁时被问到的问题。你为什么会这样？你为什么非要打破界限？你为什么就不能顺其自然？你什么时候才能找一份正经工作？我天生就是这样的人。我逐渐明白，大多数做着“正确”或“正常”事情的人，其实并不怎么快乐。

They still feel the peer pressure to conform that almost ruined me when I was thirteen. They will continue to be miserable until they are willing to be weird and stop looking for acceptance. The crowd can only ever give you conditional acceptance. If you want to be seen and loved for who you truly are, you have to be your true self, even if it means being weird. There’s a Rick and Morty quote I think about all the time.
他们依然承受着那种让人盲从的同辈压力，这种压力曾在十三岁时差点毁了我。除非他们愿意做个怪人并停止寻求他人的认同，否则他们将继续痛苦下去。大众所能给你的，永远只是有条件的接纳。如果你想因为真实的自己而被看见和被爱，你就必须做真实的自己，哪怕这意味着你会显得很古怪。《瑞克和莫蒂》里有一句台词我经常想起。

Rick says, “Your boos mean nothing. I’ve seen what makes you cheer.” Do you really want approval from people who act like the proverbial crabs, always pulling down anyone who gets too close to escaping the tank? I haven’t been to church in more than seven years.
瑞克说：“你们的嘘声毫无意义。我见识过什么能让你们欢呼。”你真的想要获得那些像“螃蟹效应”里一样的人的认可吗？他们总是把任何即将逃出水箱的人拉回原处。我已经有七年多没去过教会了。

But when I occasionally run into someone around town, I used to go to church with they always mention how they remember me leaving meetings that went over time. More often than not, they also tell me they were jealous of my willingness to stand up and leave. Nothing makes me happier than being remembered as the guy who refused to tolerate meetings running late. I don’t have a perfect track record of following my internal compass.
但当我在镇上偶尔碰到曾经一起去教会的人时，他们总是会提到，他们还记得我在超时聚会上径直离开的情景。而且，他们往往还会告诉我，他们很嫉妒我敢于站起来离开的勇气。没有什么比作为那个“拒绝忍受会议超时的人”而被人们记住更让我开心的了。在顺从内心指南针这件事上，我的记录也并非完美无缺。

I pursued a legal education and a career in law despite so many signs that I was not built for that life. I had to ruin a business and career before finding an occupation that I enjoyed and was good at. All of my biggest mistakes and regrets in life have happened because I failed to listen to my gut or because I was trying to make someone else happy.
尽管有很多迹象表明我并不适合那种生活，我还是去接受了法学教育并从事了法律职业。直到毁掉了一项生意和一段职业生涯后，我才找到了一份自己喜欢且擅长的工作。我生命中所有最大的错误和遗憾，都是因为我没有听从自己的直觉，或者是因为我试图去取悦别人。

It didn’t fully sink in for me until I was in my forties that I can’t make someone else happy. You can’t either. We are each in control of our own happiness. Many of the well-meaning people in my life shake their heads when they see I’ve released another book or when I post a poetry comic on social media. They keep waiting for me to get a real job. They’ll be waiting a long time.
直到四十多岁时，我才彻底明白一个道理：我无法让别人快乐。你也不能。我们每个人都只能掌控自己的幸福。生活中许多善意的人在看到我又出了一本书，或者在社交媒体上发布诗歌漫画时，都会无奈地摇头。他们一直在等我去找一份真正的工作。那他们可有得等了。

I’ve worked for myself for almost my entire adult life. I’ve learned how to adapt. I can’t imagine having to ask someone else for permission to take a vacation or needing a note to go see the doctor. In my professional and personal life, I don’t need the approval of anyone else to do anything. I follow my curiosity. I make weird, beautiful books for weird, beautiful people.
我几乎整个成年时期都在为自己工作。我学会了如何适应。我无法想象休假还得征求别人的同意，或者去看医生还需要开请假条。在我的职业和个人生活中，我做任何事都不需要任何人的批准。我只追随自己的好奇心。我为古怪而美丽的人们，制作古怪而美丽的书籍。

It’s not all that I do, but it’s the primary focus of all of my creative business. Working on my books is when I’m at my happiest. There are real consequences to my unorthodox life choices. I may never retire. I have to deal with finding the right health care package every year. But I have unlimited vacation days. I get to work from wherever I want. I never miss any of my children’s events.
这并不是我工作的全部，但却是我所有创意业务的核心。在创作书籍时，是我最快乐的时光。我非传统的生活选择确实带来了实质性的后果。我可能永远无法退休。我每年都不得不绞尽脑汁寻找合适的医疗保险套餐。但我拥有无限的假期。我可以在任何我想去的地方工作。我从未缺席过孩子们的任何活动。

I rarely have to wear shoes, and I get to walk my dog in the middle of the day. Tomorrow, I may wake up and be curious about something I’ve never written about before. I get to chase that curiosity and see where it ends up. Chances are, I will turn that chase into something people will pay to read. How amazing is that?
我很少需要穿鞋，还能在中午带狗散步。明天，我醒来时可能又会对自己从未写过的东西产生好奇。我能去追随这份好奇心，看看它最终会把我引向何方。很有可能，我会把这种探索变成人们愿意付费阅读的作品。这有多棒啊？

Your best life probably looks very different from mine. You might be well-suited for an office job. But chances are that your best life is also weirder than what you’ve been told your life is “supposed” to be like. If you want to be truly happy, you have to get to the point where you’re willing to be weird, no matter what anyone else thinks.
你最理想的生活可能和我的截然不同。你也许非常适合办公室工作。但很有可能，你最美好的生活同样比别人告诉你的“本该如此”的样子要古怪得多。如果你想获得真正的幸福，你就必须达到这样一种境界：不管别人怎么想，你都心甘情愿地做一个怪人。

Once you begin to chase your own curiosity and live your weird life, you will find that some of the people who judge you the most harshly are the most jealous of your freedom. You only have one shot at this life. Why not live it for yourself instead of for anyone else? Be the weird you want to see in the world.
一旦你开始追随自己的好奇心，过上属于你的古怪生活，你会发现，那些对你评头论足最苛刻的人，其实最嫉妒你的自由。你的人生只有一次机会。为什么不为自己而活，而是为别人而活呢？做你想在这个世界上看到的那个“怪人”吧。