丈夫的秘密生活My Husband’s Secret Life

You Never Really Know Someone

You never really know someone. I had been married for only a year when I learned my husband’s secret. I thought I knew him, but we had dated for just a few months when we got engaged. I sometimes wondered exactly what he did for a living, and where his money came from. But whenever I asked he would say, “Oh, don’t be silly, sweetheart.”
你永远无法真正了解一个人。我们结婚才一年，我就发现了我丈夫的秘密。我以为我了解他——可我们恋爱仅仅几个月就订了婚。有时候我会好奇他到底是做什么工作的，他的钱从哪儿来。但每当我问起，他总会笑着说：“哦，别傻了，亲爱的。”

There were warning signs. After our wedding, I kept my job and “Jeff” (not his real name) kept his, although I had no idea what his job was. Some days, I would notice that he didn’t go to work at all. When he was on the phone, he would have entire conversations where he only said, “Thank you. Well, thank you. Thank you very much.” Several times, I overheard him saying, “Yeah, she’s sexy. She’d be good.” Other times, he would have to leave for a week.
其实，有些警讯早就显现了。婚后我继续上班，而“杰夫”（不是真名）也继续“他的工作”，尽管我压根不知道那是什么。有些天，我发现他根本没去上班。他打电话时，整段对话全是“谢谢你。嗯，非常感谢。”还有好几次，我听到他在电话里说：“是啊，她很性感，她可以的。”有时，他还要出差一周。

I would ask, “Where are you going?,” and he’d answer, “Oh, you know me, gotta go to the Coast.” No, I didn’t know him.
我问他：“你要去哪儿？”他说：“哎呀，你了解我的，得去海边。”不，我根本不了解他。

On those trips, he’d let me know that he registered in hotels under a different name. Sometimes it was “Mr. Clean.” Sometimes it would be “Todd Randolph.” In every other respect, however, he was a wonderful husband.
每次出差，他会告诉我他用的是假名登记。有时叫“清洁先生”，有时是“托德·兰道夫”。不过除此之外，他在其他方面都是个完美的丈夫。

Nervously, I asked if I could accompany him on one of his trips. He surprised me by saying yes. It turned out that “the Coast” was not a coast at all but Southern California. We registered under the names “Mr. and Mrs. Clarence McKenzie” at a beautiful hotel, way beyond our budget. When we got in the elevator, the bellman nodded and said, “Nice to see you, Mr. McKenzie.” My husband smiled at him.
我鼓起勇气问能不能跟他一起去一趟出差。他居然答应了。结果发现他口中的“海边”根本不是海边，而是南加州。我们在一家高档得离谱的酒店登记入住，用的是“克拉伦斯·麦肯齐夫妇”这个名字。我们走进电梯时，行李员点头说：“见到您真高兴，麦肯齐先生。”我丈夫冲他笑了笑。

That evening, we had dinner in the hotel restaurant. I noticed a man staring at us from his table, as though he knew “Jeff.” A woman passed by and smiled familiarly. I said, “Do you know her?” “No,” my husband said. On our way out, a man in his forties walked by my husband and said, under his breath, “My father loves you.”
那晚，我们在酒店餐厅吃晚饭。我注意到有个男人从座位上盯着我们看，好像认得“杰夫”。一位路过的女士也对我们露出了熟悉的微笑。我问：“你认识她吗？”“不认识。”我丈夫回答。离开时，一个四十多岁的男人从他身边走过，低声说了一句：“我爸超爱你。”

In the hotel room that night, we browsed the TV for in – room movies. I suggested we watch “Entrapment,” a psychological thriller.
晚上，我们在房间里挑选电视上的点播电影。我提议看一部心理惊悚片《偷天陷阱》。

“Oh, please,” he said impatiently. He had never been short with me before. Curious, I pressed, saying, “Oh, let’s watch it,” hoping for a reaction rather than an answer.
“别闹了。”他不耐烦地说。他从来没对我发过脾气。我越发好奇，就坚持说：“哎呀我们看吧。”我其实更想要一个反应，而不是答案。

“Honey, don’t be ridiculous,” he said with a dull detachment.
“亲爱的，别傻了。”他淡淡地说。

“Why?”
“为什么？”

“It was a flop,” he said.
“那电影是个票房毒药。”他说。

“Who cares?”
“谁在乎？”

“Drop it,” he said, in a sharp tone.
“别再说了。”他语气一冷。

“You better watch yourself,” I said.
“你最好小心点。”我说。

“I don’t want to watch myself!” he yelled back.
“我不想看着自己！”他突然喊了出来。

“Jeff!” I shouted. “You’re hiding something. What is it?”
“杰夫！”我大叫，“你在隐瞒什么。到底怎么回事？”

He sighed. “I thought you would know by now.”
他叹了口气。“我以为你早就知道了。”

“No, Jeff,” I said. “I don’t, and it’s killing me.”
“不，杰夫。”我说，“我不知道，这快把我逼疯了。”

He walked toward me. “Darling,” he said, “I am a gigantic movie star.”
他走过来。“亲爱的，”他说，“我是一个超级巨大的电影明星。”

“A what?” I thought I’d misheard.
“你说什么？”我以为我听错了。

“A gigantic international movie star.”
“我是个国际级的超级大明星。”

I was dumbstruck.
我一时说不出话。

“I tried to tell you,” he said. “A hundred times I tried. Remember when I took you to the première of ‘Bronx Indigo’? That was me up there.”
“我试过告诉你。”他说。“我真的试了好多次。你还记得我带你去看《布朗克斯靛蓝》的首映吗？荧幕上的人就是我。”

“You know I don’t remember movies that well,” I said. “Why didn’t you just tell me?”
“你知道我根本记不住电影。”我说。“你为什么不直接告诉我？”

“You can’t say to someone, ‘I’m a big gigantic movie star,’ ” he said. “I didn’t want you to love me for that.”
“你不能随便对人说，‘我是超级大明星。’”他说，“我不想你是因为这个才爱我。”

“Yes, you can!” I said.
“当然可以说啊！”我喊道。

He looked at me. “O.K., I’m a big gigantic movie star.”
他看着我。“好吧，我是超级大明星。”

“You can’t say that to me,” I said.
“你不能这样告诉我。”我说。

Suddenly, everything was still, as though a gigantic international movie star had just walked into the room. I finally took a breath and spoke. “It explains so much,” I said. “Why I would see you on ‘The View.’ Why people would say, ‘I loved your last film.’ Your toupee. And — oh, my God!”
那一刻，空气凝固了，就好像一位国际巨星刚刚走进了房间。我终于深呼吸了一下，说道：“一切都解释得通了。”我说，“为什么我在《观点》节目里会看到你。为什么人们会对你说‘我喜欢你上一部电影’。你的假发。还有——天哪！”

“What, darling?” he asked.
“怎么了，亲爱的？”他问。

“It explains why there’s an Oscar in the living room.”
“这解释了为什么我们客厅里有一个奥斯卡奖杯。”

We tried after that, but a relationship that’s not founded on telling the truth about whether or not you have an Oscar cannot hold. After we split, I kept remembering my favorite photo of us together: I was facing the camera and he had his arms around me from behind. But, when I found the photo in an old album, I realized that it was not me he had his arms around, but Angelina Jolie.
后来我们努力过想维系这段感情，但一段不能诚实面对是否拥有奥斯卡的关系，是走不下去的。分开之后，我总想起那张我们最喜欢的合影：我面向镜头，他从后面环抱着我。但当我翻出那张老照片时，我才意识到，那个人并不是我，他抱着的——是安吉丽娜·朱莉。

Funny how the mind plays tricks.
大脑有时候，真会欺骗人。

A few years later, I remarried. Charles works during the day; I’ve been to his office. We have a lovely home. He’s a simple man, but I love him. And the only mysterious thing about him is the way close friends refer to him as “Mr. President.”
几年后，我再婚了。查尔斯白天上班，我去过他的办公室。我们有一个温馨的家。他是个简单的人，但我爱他。而他唯一神秘的地方是——他的密友们都称他为“总统先生”。